I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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