Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
