too bad you live with your parents still
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
