Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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