I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
