She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my being single is dangerous.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
