Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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