I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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