***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
