He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
