Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
