If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
