i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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