youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
