Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
