I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck me I smell like cheese
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
