You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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