Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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