in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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