I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
