Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
