Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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