I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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