im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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