so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He shit in the fireplace
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
