Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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