Screwed.edu
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Randomize
