He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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