make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
