Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
