I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
