Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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