i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
