Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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