her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
