...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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