So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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