Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
try to milk me bitch
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