You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
