My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
