What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
