I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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