Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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