when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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