She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
