how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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