ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize