forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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