So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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