Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize