why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
