He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
