Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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