my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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