I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
