even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
