Need sex. Gaining weight.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
