I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
