ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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