arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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