i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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