wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
