Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize