Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
