you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
