So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
