I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
