cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize