Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
