I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
