Plan B is the new Plan A
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
