Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
