I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
