he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
