I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
