he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
