and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
