In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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