you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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