Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize